oh boy.

I'm sorry its been awhile, a lot has been happening in my life lately. I started school, still working lots, I did another pageant last friday, and just general running around crazyness. It's been really good. also. a guy asked me for my number. and we are going on a date on friday. ha. funny. its been how long since I have been on a date? needless to say this will be interesting on my part. I sense awkward situations coming... this is why the title. oh boy... I have a lot to talk about, so I apologize. This will be a long post. If you dont want to read it, thats totally fine with me, this is more for me to get out all of the many, crazy emotions that I've been having all at once for the past week. Its been draining, but also been good for me I think.
ok. so one thing at a time. I'll start with the pageant. I had fun, and I learned a ton. but. (but is such a sad word... just throwing that our there) I didnt go for it with all that I had. The performing stuff that night I was fine, and I had fun with that. It was the interview that I am not so happy with myself. I pretty much did everything wrong. Everything I was told not to do, I did. and I am really not happy with myself. I let my fears take over and control what I was doing and what I was saying. I was not happy. Here I was telling myself to just go for it, what have I got to lose, just do it with your whole soul no matter what. Because if I did that, then it wouldnt have mattered what the results were, I would have known that I had done my very best and I would have been happy. But I didnt. I didnt do my best and I didnt put it all out there, so I am extremly unsatisfied with myself. I really cant believe I let my fears take over. I dont even know a reason why. I dont think I have ever really done that before and it was a horrible experience. I knew what I was doing and in my head I was thinking, "what are you doing Jeni? why are you doing this? whats your problem? Whats happening?" But as I have ben thinking about it, maybe I needed to see what it was like to have my fears take over like that in order to learn from it.
ok. I will now tell you the wonderfully awkward story of how Dan the man got my number. He is in my institute class, and he starts talking to me one day about a week and a half ago. After class, he continues to talk to me, and walks with me and sarah out to my car. He says "we should hang out sometime" so I say, "yeah, sure. that would be fun." hahaha, we then start walking in our differnt directions, and he says something else but I dont know what it is. So I assume its just bye, or see you later, or some sort of variation thereof. So I say bye and preceed to walk away towards my car. He then runs after me and says "no, I said can I get your number? not bye..." oops. you can imagine my embarassment at this point. I felt so bad! hahaha, anyway he has been texting/calling me ever since. and we are going to lunch on friday. yeah... like I said, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing so this will be quite the interesting experience.
Finals. I am going crazy. If I am this crazy with just two classes and all day to do homework, how in the world am I going to handle fall/spring semester?! yeah, I dont know either.
Now, this next thing is random, but I really need to get it off my chest. This whole past year and right now in my Orientation to Dance class, all my teachers (especially Amy) have been telling us, get sleep! get the right amount of sleep! go to bed! oh. my. goodness. how in the world do they expect us to do that exactly?! We are there at the school ALL DAY. seriously, I am there from at least 8-5. every single day. and then I go to work. and I work all night. and then when I get home, guess what? I still have homework to do! and I have to stay up until 1 or 2 to get it done. every night. and then I wake up at 6 ish and do it all over again. They keep telling us to get sleep or your body will burn out and you wont have the energy to get through your day of dancing. oh really? yes, I know all of that and I would absolutely love to get more sleep. Maybe then I would actually improve and progress as a dancer. Maybe I would actually enjoy class again. But I cant. there is no way possible for me to get sleep. great. sigh... thats all. I just wanted to get that off my chest. its been there for a while now.
I think that was it.. hopefully it wont be as long until I write again.