Advice from Elder Busche :)

Details in the Fabric

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
And stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
No reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
No reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

definitions of jeni

I am so happy. I’ve been thinking about so many things lately I hope I remember them all.

First of all, I am so glad I am a dancer. Dance has taught me so many things about life, I don’t know what I would be right now if I hadn’t had dance. It has defined me in so many ways. I just had my concert this last week, and I have learned so much with the pieces that were in there. I feel like I have really bonded with the people I dance with, and we have really become an ensemble. While on the stage last week, I was thinking about how much I love this. There may be times that I really seriously wonder why in the world I do this to myself, but then those days like the last few weeks come and it makes it all worth it. I am reminded of why I love dance so much, and how much it has helped me to learn and grow as a person. Who else has the privilege of doing what they love and growing, learning, and being inspired, on a daily basis? Yes it’s hard, but that is what makes it worth it all. I am so grateful that I have a healthy body and mind that enables me to dance.

Second of all, my mom. I love her. She does so much for me and our family it’s crazy. And she does it while working two jobs. She’s crazy. Pretty sure that without her, our family would be literally fall apart because she holds us all together. When I am a mother, I hope I will be like her.  She has supported me, and been there for me, and held me when I cried, and cried with me, (ok, not just crying, but bawling my head off…) and was happy for me, and laughed with me, and had screaming contests with me, and talked with me, and gave me advice, and told me stories, and pushed me even when I didn’t appreciate it, and told me it was going to all work out, and it always does, and is still continuing to do all that, and most of all loved me. Loved me for who my crazy, weird self is. And I love her. She’s my best friend.

Third of all, music. Music can reach a part of me that nothing else but dance can. It can touch and inspire me to do anything.

Fourth of all, Sarah. My cousin has kept me sane this past year, and I am so grateful for her. I had a hard year, and she was there with me almost every day. I am really sad to know that in just a few weeks, she will be gone. I hope someday we will be able to be this close again. She has also defined me this last year.

Fifth of all, my beautiful friends, Morgan and Kylie. I love you guys so much! I thank God every day that he put you guys in my life. Where would I be without you? We know each other’s everything, we can tell each other all, and everyone needs friends like that. Ever since you have known me (can you believe it’s seven years?!) you have defined me. I am who I am because of you. hahahaha, because if you hadn’t been there and decided to take pity on me, I would probably still be the girl who reads books while walking and walks into the boys bathroom J

Sixth of all, my daddy. I love him too. He works so hard. He is the one that let me dance all growing up, because without his hard work I wouldn’t have been able to. He saw and recognized that dance wasn’t something that I could give up without having a broken heart and he is the one who worked hard to let me live my dream. I don’t thank him enough for it. He stays so calm when I’m not, and goes to the store just to get my favorite ice cream when I cry so hard I can’t talk, and comes to every one of my dance performances, and loves to do it, and when I come out after gives me that look that says, I’m so proud of you and I love you, and gives me father’s blessings when I need them, and helps me fix my mistakes, and in whatever I decide to do tells me it will work out and supports me with whatever it is, and takes me out to breakfast, and understands me, and carries me from my mom to the nursery in the hospital and won’t show me to anyone because I am all his, and gives me all the love a girl needs from her daddy. He has defined me my whole life. I love him so much.

There are so many other things that have defined me but I can’t write about them all. These are just six of the really, really, really big things that have throughout my life. I can’t write about the countless people who have smiled at me or made me laugh or been an angel for the Lord for me, but know that I am grateful and that I love you all. And these aren’t the only big things either, there are just so many that I will probably have to write another post about them J but these are things that I have been thinking about lately, so there you go.

school.

Just so this is all cleared up, it was not me who was the brillant author of that last post about depends. It all came out of Sarah's brain. :)

So I found out 20 minutes before my english class today that on monday I had gone to the wrong class. hahahaha it was great. So I had to walk into a different class today and had no idea what was going on. and then I had to send an embarrasing email to the teacher of my wrong class that I went to telling him to take me off of his email list. It was really quite hilarious.

I also had company auditions today. And wow I am SO out of shape its ridiculous. But apparently they all thought we had kept in shape all summer long. Thats what they told us when we went in to see if we made it or not. That was great too. I was laughing pretty hard :)

I had modern technique placement audtions yesterday. I found out what level I am on today. and I am kinda shocked a little bit. I signed up for tech 3. I was in tech 2 last year, so that would be the next logical step yo would think. anyway, they always hold placement auditions at the begining of the year, so this year I would either be in tech. 3 or 4. great. I wanted tech. 3, and thats really what I though would happen. I also wanted it because Monica teaches tech.3 this semester and I have never had her for a teacher and have heard how great she is all last year. I was so excited! sigh... but lo and behold I was placed in modern technique 4. WIERD. like I said I'm a bit shocked. I dont have the confidence in myself to think that I was that good. I still dont, sooo we'll see how this goes. I mean really. to be in tech 2, and then randomly jump to tech. 4? really? Oh, and also, for those of you who dont know tech 4 is the highest technique level at UVU. There are a few of us like that. But I really loved the class today. This class will push me so hard, and I am so excited for it now. We all worked hard today, and it was so great. Still not sure if I have the confidence for myself, but its kinda cool to know that the faculty thinks that I can do it. Its a good confidence booster. It was a bit intimidating since a lot of them are juniors and seniors and a bunch of them are graduating this year, but so good at the same time. This class will definitely push me to be a better dancer and a better person, so this will be good. :)

Thats it. I had a lot of things happen today. Its definitely been a full day, but it has been so good.
and as always, sorry if this didnt make sense. :)

it depends.

this is a post about depends. do all old ladies depend on depends? it depends. i guess if they depend on depends they better not depend on ever leaving the house. or maybe that is why they wear depends. so they can leave the house because they have depends to depend on. it depends. also who thought of the name  depends? it's not like those old ladies depend on their depends so much that you have to call them depends. and have you seen those depends for old men? that is so incredibly funny. depends for men. yuck. you know. one time i saw this old guy wearing depends. you know like on victoria's secret underwear where at the top it says victoria's secret? do depends say depends at the top? i wonder. oh well. it all depends.

will the weather be good tomorrow? it depends.
will i want to eat a hamburger? i would say it depends. but i never eat meat becuase i'm a little ballerina and meat is so gross.
did sarah write this post? it depends.

Vacation!!

I am now in Cedar City! yay! It has finally come! We (meaning me, Sarah, Morgan, and Kylie) have been planning this for over a month. oh I am so excited and happy to be here :) We will be heading to the shakespeare festival to see the Glass Menagerie tonight, continuing down to St. George tomorrow, and in the meantime we are just partin it up!

So you know how I had that date? actually I had two. My other one was Josh, my co-chair for the ward missionary council. yeah... hahahahaha it's pretty funny. They were both good. and thats all I will say... if you want to know more, I guess you'll just have to come talk to me :)

My Aunt and Uncle were here from California last week for a visit, and if you know my uncle Benson, you know he is a genius who knows everything about everything. It's great. Anyway, he gave both me and Sarah his dating wisdom. For 2 hours. hahahahaha! He told us that there are three questions you should ask the guy that you like and that you think you have the potential to get serious with. and I would tell you those three questions, but he said I cant tell anybody because they are just for his nieces and nephews. sorry everybody! :) I will tell you that it was pretty awesome though. I think for the most part they are really good questions. He believes that God is inside yourself, which I agree with to a point, but I also believe that there is an actual being named God out there helping us. So his questions didnt really allow God's help. Sorry if that dosent make sense. So my take on these three pieces of brillant wisdom: I like it for the most part. But I will take what I think are the best parts and use them and not worry about the rest. But really thats what we all do with all parts of life. Take what the good parts are according to us.

I was going to say something else, and I really cant remember so I will post again if I can think of what I was going to say. oh man! it was good too! hahaha, hopefully I remember :)

oh boy.

I'm sorry its been awhile, a lot has been happening in my life lately. I started school, still working lots, I did another pageant last friday, and just general running around crazyness. It's been really good. also. a guy asked me for my number. and we are going on a date on friday. ha. funny. its been how long since I have been on a date? needless to say this will be interesting on my part. I sense awkward situations coming... this is why the title. oh boy... I have a lot to talk about, so I apologize. This will be a long post. If you dont want to read it, thats totally fine with me, this is more for me to get out all of the many, crazy emotions that I've been having all at once for the past week. Its been draining, but also been good for me I think.
ok. so one thing at a time. I'll start with the pageant. I had fun, and I learned a ton. but. (but is such a sad word... just throwing that our there) I didnt go for it with all that I had. The performing stuff that night I was fine, and I had fun with that. It was the interview that I am not so happy with myself. I pretty much did everything wrong. Everything I was told not to do, I did. and I am really not happy with myself. I let my fears take over and control what I was doing and what I was saying. I was not happy. Here I was telling myself to just go for it, what have I got to lose, just do it with your whole soul no matter what. Because if I did that, then it wouldnt have mattered what the results were, I would have known that I had done my very best and I would have been happy. But I didnt. I didnt do my best and I didnt put it all out there, so I am extremly unsatisfied with myself. I really cant believe I let my fears take over. I dont even know a reason why. I dont think I have ever really done that before and it was a horrible experience. I knew what I was doing and in my head I was thinking, "what are you doing Jeni? why are you doing this? whats your problem? Whats happening?" But as I have ben thinking about it, maybe I needed to see what it was like to have my fears take over like that in order to learn from it.
ok. I will now tell you the wonderfully awkward story of how Dan the man got my number. He is in my institute class, and he starts talking to me one day about a week and a half ago. After class, he continues to talk to me, and walks with me and sarah out to my car. He says "we should hang out sometime" so I say, "yeah, sure. that would be fun." hahaha, we then start walking in our differnt directions, and he says something else but I dont know what it is. So I assume its just bye, or see you later, or some sort of variation thereof. So I say bye and preceed to walk away towards my car. He then runs after me and says "no, I said can I get your number? not bye..." oops. you can imagine my embarassment at this point. I felt so bad! hahaha, anyway he has been texting/calling me ever since. and we are going to lunch on friday. yeah... like I said, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing so this will be quite the interesting experience.
Finals. I am going crazy. If I am this crazy with just two classes and all day to do homework, how in the world am I going to handle fall/spring semester?! yeah, I dont know either.
Now, this next thing is random, but I really need to get it off my chest. This whole past year and right now in my Orientation to Dance class, all my teachers (especially Amy) have been telling us, get sleep! get the right amount of sleep! go to bed! oh. my. goodness. how in the world do they expect us to do that exactly?! We are there at the school ALL DAY. seriously, I am there from at least 8-5. every single day. and then I go to work. and I work all night. and then when I get home, guess what? I still have homework to do! and I have to stay up until 1 or 2 to get it done. every night. and then I wake up at 6 ish and do it all over again. They keep telling us to get sleep or your body will burn out and you wont have the energy to get through your day of dancing. oh really? yes, I know all of that and I would absolutely love to get more sleep. Maybe then I would actually improve and progress as a dancer. Maybe I would actually enjoy class again. But I cant. there is no way possible for me to get sleep. great. sigh... thats all. I just wanted to get that off my chest. its been there for a while now.
I think that was it.. hopefully it wont be as long until I write again.